A Step We Can't Take Back - Love Life Version

So you find yourself at this subway

With your world in a bag by your side

And all at once it seemed like a good way

You realize it's the end of the line

For what it's worth

Here comes the train upon the track

And there goes the pain, it cuts to black

Are you ready for the last act?

To take a step you can't take back?

Taken all the punches you could take

Took 'em all right on the chest

Now the camel's back is breaking

Again, again

For what it's worth

Here comes the train upon the track

And there goes the pain, it cuts to black

Are you ready for the last act?

To take a step you can't take back?

Did she love you?

Did she take you down?

Was she on her knees when she kissed your crown?

Tell me what you found

Here comes the rain, so hold your hat

And don't pray to God, 'cause He won't talk back

Are you ready for the last act?

To take a step you can't take back, back, back?

You can't take back, back, back.

So you find yourself at this subway

With your world in a bag by your side

A Step You Can't Take It Back - Keira Knigtley  

Its funny yet scary and magically at the same time how something we left behind can goes around back. Right into us. Struck us. And nothing we can do, Just smile, take a deep breath and continued the path. 

Persis. Hari-hari saya sekarang seperti itu. Saya lupa persisnya seperti apa, tapi saya pernah menemukan quote seperti ini "Hidup mungkin akan membawamu berputar-putar hanya untuk membawamu kembali ke jalan yang sama". Untuk kasus love life ini, membawa ke memori yang sama. 

R sudah menikah, 2 bulan lalu. 22 Agustus 2015. He's look so happy. Dan istrinya juga cantik. Kurus. Pasangan kekinian. 

What makes me shock? Well, its R anyway. I really fall in love to him back then. Love and then we make some vow. Not vow then love. Its different feel. 

I don't know why i'm so upset yesterday. Because he's look so happy and i thinking about my barrier on my marriage life? Or did i still love and do care about him? Or it just my ego and self-centric, that part of me make a hope that he's still in pain and can't move on? 

Huh, come on D! He's the one who banned you on SNS, he's the one who left you in Bulog canteen and then Dea looking at you deeply (why I must remember dea in this situation ya haha). He's the one who ignore all your text, inbox and phone call. He's the one who didn't try. Just consider he just coward and you just too precious just to remember him. 

So, why 'Keira Knightley- A step you cant take it back' ? 

2 minggu ini saya lagi nontonin drakor, she wass pretty. Lalu baper dengan siwon. Lalu download semua lagunya. Lalu ada lost star-nya adam levine sering dinyanyiin sama siwon. Lalu jadi tahu Keira nyanyi Lost Star juga di film Begin Again. Which is, dari kapan tahu saya memang incer nonton film itu. Selain ada mark ruffalo, film ini juga masuk nominasi oscar and definitely my kind of movie. Jadilah hari-hari saya belakangan ini dipenuhi Begin Again soundtrack. Tinggal menunggu kapan bisa menonton filmnya, karena sudah tersedia juga. 

Yesterday, when i found out about R marriage through his SNS, and of course i'm investigated his account. I just struck. Into one of his status. He share youtube link 'Keira Knightley - A step you cant take it back' 

An goes around path. 

See? How me and R are just precisely have the same taste? Of movie, song, japanese thingy, of everything! And it really struck me.... What kind of life if i have a chance to stay beside him? Will it be fun? Will it be happy? 

And it really annoyed me that he has new relationship with the girl around July-August 2014. It means, he can move on only in 3 months after breakup with me!! While i'm still in pain and hesitate to make a new relationship. August 2014 is Ramadhan month and i really remember that ramadhan 2014 i just decide to deep down into ramadhan and pray. Even i met Mr. Banana around October 2014. 

And i really thankful i have Dwina. I just texting her that i'm so upset about this fact. She just ask, am i still love R? I said, i dont know. 

texting. texting. texting. 

Until this : 

" its okay kok untuk flashback' 

"ada orang yang dalam kehidupan kita tuh klik banget' 

"tapi loe mesti inget' 

"Allah kasih loe jodoh itu bukan yang sempurna tapi sempurna untuk kehidupan loe" 

"maksud gw kaya gini" 

"gw sama aa kalau ngobrol suka hilang sinyal" 

"tapi dia gak pernah capek ingetin gue untuk sholat" 

"......." 

"jadi Allah sayang sama kita untuk menyelamatkan kita di akherat' 

"suami loe mungkin gak sesabar si mantan yang mau dengerin keluh kesah di kantor" 

".......' 

" kenapa sama yang kemarn gak jodoh loe" 

"mungkin dia hanya enak sebagai temen" 

"but once become an imam, maybe he is not the one for you" 

texting. texting. joke texting. and finish. 

And i like, OMGGGGG she's right! Even i experience "mungkin dia hanya enak sebagai teman" to Ephimera a thousand time, now literally. And i totally fine with that. Me and Ephimera is business partner now. See? How funny life is? 

Mungkin, Semua hanya bayangan. Pencitraan dari pikiran kita yang ingin bahagia secara instan. Pengaruh marriage quarrel saya. Itulah kenapa laki orang selalu terlihat lebih tampan dan hebat. Itulah kenapa rumput tetangga selalu terlihat lebih hijau ya. 

And yes, we did a thousand step that we can't take back. Did it make us more wise? Definitely! 

xoxo 

D